The Case for Being Alone

Being alone isn’t new to me; in fact, for most of my life, I’ve known what it’s like to be alone. Not counting family at times, but the ability to be with myself, surrounded by others, has always been something I was accustomed to. Chalk it up to shyness, stoicism, and introversion, I’ve always been able to be by myself. As I have gotten older, I’ve shed some shyness, in realization that you won’t get what you don’t ask for, but it has never been easy; it’s taken practice. Introverts and even ambiverts can tell you we find social settings exhausting at times. And our reboot comes with being alone again.

Stigmas for people who are shy or not as chatty have always been there, and perhaps they always will be. We’ve all heard them behind our backs, “She’s a B”, ” He’s anti-social”, She never talks,”” They won’t be good at that job because you have to be personable”, and the list goes on and on. All the meanwhile, you’re neither of these things, you’re just you, managing the energy it takes to interact with all of your surroundings while remaining yourself.

I personally believe being alone and being able to be alone was like a superpower. Being raised as an only child, I was almost always alone. But I was always entertained with books, crafts, and an interest in learning new things, and I knew the people around me loved me. But if you don’t have many people around you, how do you survive being alone, without the loneliness? The answer has always been me! I always had something that interested me and allowed my brain to be stimulated. Does that mean you won’t get lonely from time to time? Of course not, but you must know oneself to thrive and be content in life on your own. And I believe one can only do this when you have spent enough time with yourself to understand your likes and dislikes.

I have always been able to go to places alone, thanks to my upbringing going to museums. Museums were always my happy place and a place I went alone to a lot as I got older. It was also a place that taught me how to be in silence, with my own thoughts. Learning to sit with my own thoughts has allowed me to go on vacations and concerts alone when I got older. For that is another skill you must master if you are to learn to be alone. What are your thoughts when it’s just you? Do you allow yourself to take in your surroundings? To be present? Or are you uncomfortable, thinking who is looking?

How to be alone?

If you would like to dip your toe into activities that allow you to be alone without the loneliness, here are some things you can try. The point is to attend, experience, enjoy, and reflect on these moments alone. Just because there are people surrounding you doesn’t take away your ability to be alone.

• Museums- Obviously, my number one on the list. Sit and admire the beauty that someone else made, and really inspect the piece you’re looking at. Read the descriptions and meditate on the piece.
• Concerts- I love a concert on my own. Dance, sing along, take it in!
• Dinner- I love to pick a fancy restaurant and treat myself on vacations. Bring a book and take time to just take in your food and surroundings. Take pictures of the location and your outfit if you dressed up!
• A class- Ready to learn something new? Perhaps a water painting class? Pottery, dance, jewelry making, baking, horseback riding, there are so many possibilities with this option.
• A community event- A book reading, discussion, local organization meeting, or single pop-up.
• Take a stroll or a drive- Do you live next to a park? Waterfront? Does the next city over have interesting haunts?
• Travel both close and far- Now for the big one, but feel free to take it easy at first. Visit the next state over, or a state you’ve been dying to see. Then plan an international trip! The key to this is planning things out with your safety in mind first and being organized. But allow yourself free time for spontaneity when you find things along the way.
• Do activities on vacation alone. Only person on the boat excursion? Who cares? Take a walking guided tour or a tasting of local cuisine.
• Sit and listen to music, a podcast, or watch a movie or a series without looking at social media.
• Go to a movie theater, live play, or musical.
• Go to the gym; this allows for both alone time and, depending on the gym type, the ability to meet people with similar interests. Want to learn self-defense? A gym specializing in one of the martial arts will allow you to go alone and meet like-minded individuals. It’s always been boxing for me, and now that includes kickboxing and Jujitsu.

Last note, I know being alone with your own thoughts for some people, and sometimes for everyone, can be dangerous at certain times due to mental illness and depression. On depression, please seek counseling. Sometimes life is too hard, and your thoughts when you are alone are not in your best interest. I know that firsthand. And if you cannot be alone because of mental illness, perhaps start small at first with guidance from a professional. I pray that one day you receive the relief and healing to be able to sit with your own thoughts in peace.

When you truly know and are comfortable with yourself and your own thoughts, being alone should become easy. It might, in fact, become so easy that you become very picky about who you share your time with. And that, for your own sake and well-being, will be a blessing. What have you done alone? Do you have any future plans now? Let me know in the comments and on social. – T.S.